Fear in the Heart

My reflections of 6 months in silence/isolation from November 2017 – November 2018 Gaia House Meditation Centre, Devon. England. UK.

Before I commence, I will acknowledge that I haven’t posted anything for 3 years that’s about my work. My fear has been I will get found out I can’t spell or my English isn’t good enough…

Well it’s time to screw that now, I will speak my truth with spelling mistakes and grammatical imperfections…

So, I will begin…


6 months at Gaia House Meditation Centre.
I spent 6 months in silence or what now maybe referred to as “self-isolation”. I’m currently feeling grateful for these 6 months which at times were the most challenging months of my life as I undid the belief systems I had been running. But now, this time of isolation has become a real resource to lean into and remember how crazy my mind was during those months.

Some reflections that became more apparent as my time went by during the 6 months.

Isolation brings us closer to our fears.

I will repeat that…isolation brings us closer to our fears.

Do I need to say it again…

Isolation makes us more sensitive and attuned to the feeling of those around us and their vibrational impact.

Fear is often in opposition to love and acceptance.

Fears that were reoccurring for me were; not being enough, fear of not having enough, or the biggest fear of all, I would die. I lived to tell this story and reflect back to you how real it feels in the moment but ultimately the mind creates stories and it doesn’t mean we have to run them.

Gift of Isolation.
Isolation can be seen as a gift to go inwards to know oneself better. I most certainly got to know who I was through this process and what really made me more alive and connected. Looking for things that remain as constants are key and your accessibility to them. I could always walk 10 paces and pause in my room. I could always breath and notice my inhale and exhale. I could always sit down right where I was. I could always dance on the spot feeling my way to completion which resulted in coming back to a centured place within myself that felt wholesome and resourced and unshakable. I could always sit with a tree and feel the strength and power sitting at its base. The cycle would begin again, 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day later… but I had found the resources at hand to cope with the inner calamity of isolation can bring. The challenge to be with my feelings and thoughts but not to be taken over by them.

The mind will trick and twist to manipulate the situation so it gets you to act upon these fears….

The Practice of Presence.
The practice and it is a practice of noticing, watching our mind is very important in times where systemically fear is the undercurrent of what’s behind a downward spiral. It’s not a practice to change the thoughts or feelings but to see them for what they are, passing…All thoughts and feelings pass…90 seconds is normally enough for a single thought or feeling to burn itself to completion… UNLESS… we become attached and then create action or Karma around the thought or feeling.

Our current situation we are faced with globally is creating this wave of fear I can most definitely feel it.

There are many movement and meditation practices that support embodiment and the loosening of the grip of the mind and fear has over us. I recommend you do these as often as needed. If you need support for ways that could be helpful, go to my page on my website www.neilbriankynaston.com and in the NBK where I list all the practices I’ve worked with.

These techniques are wonderful, yoga, dance, mediation, walking, working.

And… there is the practice of noticing noticing noticing….your thoughts… I want to remind you, you are not your thoughts… you are not your fears, you are not what just happened on the news…

How you respond to your thoughts will create your reality…

the mind is very powerful if you allow it to become your master.

Feeding fears creates more fears… so checking the news 24/7 or discussing worst case scenarios also leads down the same path. I’m not denying we are in the middle of something that’s very unique and scary. I’m asking for you to take responsibility for your thoughts and actions for your own mental health. I grew up in a family with Bio Polar disorder so my experience of mental illness is very real and gave me a platform to understand first hand how it is to be in a place of not knowing how solid the ground is beneath my feet on a daily basis, year to year.

You always have a choice how to respond to every thought.

Each thought initially has no power. It’s our actions that create momentum. Action in Hindu is “Karma”. So by acting out from a thought we are creating our own Karma.

“Keep your power and don’t react” if this is possible and if you need to act do so that moves the energy within your body. Not a projection at someone else or at an institution or leaders as this will also create more problems for you down the line.

If you are really in the thick of your minds creative deceptions and the channels are so deep you don’t know what’s true anymore… Read my page on Soul Evolution on my website www.neilbriankynaston.com to see if you require more support. I give sessions all over the world via Skype.

One other thing that helped me during those 6 months was having a dialogue session once per week with someone who was very present and loving and listened to what I was going through with an open heart.

Reach out and find someone who can support you through these difficult times.

Love from Arambol India.
Neil Brian Kynaston.

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